The Ten Veganments

Of Veganism

Mark the Vegan Monk

The Vegalogue – a Vegan Swamp parody of the Decalogue, the actual rules to live by, stone tablets given to Moses by the Supreme One. Sacred Commandments etched in stone, rules set forth to guide human behavior to that if followed, would ensure our salvation.

You know the ones, the sacred rules that us humans are constantly interpreting as only applying to the other guy, thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, etc.

We would make it really demented and unhinged, yet not too irreverent. bizarre yet harmless, just a twisted mess of principles and ethics, shamelessly stolen from trusted sources, turned upside down, boiled into a list we call The Veganments.

A not too terribly original method of reaching those who still possess an ounce of playfulness in their body, vegan or not – but especially designed for vegans who support the plant-based lifestyle.

Tongue and cheek nonsense from the Vegan Scriptures Department by our in-house Vegangelist, Mark the Meatless Monk. A tireless crusader, Mark is dedicated to carrying the Plant-based message to the masses, a shoo-in to lead the Veganulites to salvation!

Some content here may appear to be irreverent, but really, it’s only what we all used to call humor before some wokeologist, snowflake dusted, non-binary idiot, announced to all the other aforementioned idiots that it was offensive – and the whole world caved to it like a pack of listless sheep!

We only poke fun at the original words of wisdom with the utmost respect.

Yeah, right, tell that to the Supreme Vegan standing just inside the Pearly Gates, where beyond lies Paradise. Is that a smile or a smirk on his holy face? HE might not think it’s so funny, you are fooling around with his famous words.

We are all counting on the Big Guy upstairs to have a sense of humor.

The 10 Veganments Of Veganism

Presented in no particular order .

  • Thou shalt not cause harm or exhibit cruelty to God’s creatures – only humans are allowed to slay each other in self-defense situations or for cheaters caught in the act. Support your local ‘conceal-carry’
  • Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s garden. – Just because you admire their flowers you should grow your own – it’s medically permissible now in most US States to grow some radical veggies in your own garden – then watch them covet YOUR’s!
  • Thou shalt not commit adultery with a meathead. – If you are going to cheat, do it with a vegan, they smell so much better than meathead partners – their banter below-the-belt is emboldened by a mutual lust for learning.
  • Thou shall worship Mother Earth and her Environment! – You can’t go to Heaven/Paradise if you pollute, even animals know better than to crap in their own bed!
  • Thou shalt not attempt to steal a farm animal destined for the meathead dinner table – those salt pellets sting!
  • Thou shall honor your vegan Mommy and Daddy by eating their vegan meals – especially if you are a murderous SOB fake-vegan moron, still living with them!
  • Thou shalt not eat or consume meat or dairy products – Plant-based, whole foods is where it’s at!
  • Thou shall support the science behind veganism – and defend it to all the lost meatheads you encounter, ignoring the eye-rolling of those ignorant souls.
  • Thou shall adopt a plant-based lifestyle for your personal health – Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels.
  • Thou shall endeavor to go the distance – most people who adopt a plant-based diet quit within a year. It feels good to do something for someone besides yourself.

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