And just chill?
Or have a cocktail with a slutty vegan in a Slutty Bar, owned by a Slutty Vegan?
Let me explain;
A Vegan Swamp Post/Rant in support of Tipping Generously
This thing that’s going on with the Slutty Vegan, a real brand, and a lawsuit involving the brand owner and former employees who believe they were cheated –
We can only guess that a lot of people must patronize the vegan bars and restaurants owned by Pinky Cole, the Slutty Vegan, an African American woman because she receives high praise as a millionaire entrepreneur, minority business owner, a cook, a writer, a foundation director, a motivational speaker etc. Now being referred to by former Slutty Vegans as the Cheap Slutty Vegan, accusing her in a lawsuit of illegally withholding 25% of employee tips to help offset increased operating costs.
If her establishments are doing as well as reported, decent tips will follow – everyone works hard but makes it look easy when everything is clicking. Then the boss swoops in and ruins a good thing – risks alienating the people who are making her rich, illegally it would seem, docking tip income.
It would be funny as an SNL skit, like the old Weekend Updates with Akroyd and Jane. Politically incorrect in today’s humorless society. Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound;
PINKY, YOU IGNORANT SLUT!
This trial accusing her of illegally withholding wages is about to get interesting. Some of the behind the scenes, juicy stuff, secrets usually kept hidden from civilians in a Scrooge McDuck lunch box under the counter, next to the spy camera, tape recorder, a loaded 380, and handcuffs!
Is slutty the ‘new’ cute?
They won’t allow ‘slutty’ on auto license plates YET but is it possible that only a minority person protected by a diversity shield could escape criticism over a brand name like Slutty Vegans? Making millions from the pubicity it garnered with vegan restaurants, bars, a book, a foundation and who knows what else.
Now this person may soon be forced to re-name her brand; Cheap Slutty Vegan’s, should she lose the case now in court where she stands accused of stiffing her waitstaff 25% of their tips, supposedly to offset operating expenses, wink, wink!
Methinks somebody wanted a new solid-gold, zillion – karat diamond bracelet!
I got news for you, Pinky Cole, CEO of Slutty Vegan. It is not wise to withhold ANYTHING from a person earning less than three bucks an hour!
Greed, Mr. Gordon ‘King of Wall Street‘ Gecko, is NOT good anymore!
That’s the lowest of the low!
Bad tipping is bad Karma
Restaurant and bar workers have been fighting a tip ‘war’ ever since Uncle Sam declared tips were considered wages, therefore taxable. Now, in addition to the cheapo customers that require special attention with their gluten- free this and their low salt that, servers are required to serve these idiots with a smile. The smile even more when the ‘tip’ is a handful of moldy, lint-encrusted change.
Then suddenly, a complete switcheroo. The person you thought had your back, the boss, the very person that crows about ‘loyalty’ and ‘staff retention’ being keys to her success, the person supposed to be looking after them, decides they need extra cash for that bracelet she wants to show off to all the other cheap Slutty Vegans ‘at the next BLM function.
According to the attorney representing the stiffees who filed the lawsuit against Cole, it’s a slam dunk case for the plaintiffs on the surface but you never know how a jury will vote. State law there requires a worker keep 100% of their tips IF they are making less than minimum wage. Their attorney is confident that his clients are in the right, deprived of what little extra they count on for gas, rent, groceries, baby food, etc.
The message to all, syllables put together in words even an IRS agent or a Slutty restaurant owner can understand – leave your cheap, grubby, greedy fingers off our measly gratuities – and let all of our hard-to-find workers keep:
100% OF THEIR TIPS!!
As it should be–and was once the norm.
No wonder that white chick pretended to be African American
Dare we say it? I keep telling the boss we will never get advertisers if we don’t tread lightly around people who could destroy us with just a word or two. They won, get woke!
Not when I could blame a scaly old croc for everything. The ‘blame game’ is now the American way!
Especially when it comes to government preference mandates to assist the minorities living here in their quest for decent jobs, affordable medicine for the kids and a hundred other things.
Some of those benefits, yet to be proven, we admit, include de-frauding your employees, people of your own RACE, and for what? Are these owners so dumb as to realize that it’s a job-seekers market out there now, restaurants are closing their doors because they can’t find good help! cheat the little guy out of their hard-earned tips. We will find out soon from a jury made up of ‘little’ people if they find the Slutty Vegan, Pinky Cole, guilty of illegally withholding wages.
From the Scenes He’d Like To See Department
We open our courtroom lampoon in the televised trial of the Slutty Vegan vs Former Slutty Vegans- by setting the scene – a stuffy courtroom filled to capacity with slutty vegans and Slutty Vegan supporters.
The Case; Slutty Vegans, a US Corporation, owned and managed by the head Slutty Vegan herself, Pinky Cole VS Former Slutty Vegan Employees.
They are accusing her of illegally withholding a percentage of their gratuities.
Both attorneys will question the jury pool, one person at a time in order to seat an ‘impartial’ jury who will decide the guilt or innocence of the accused. Each lawyer has challenges, he or she can throw someone out of the pool without justification.
We couldn’t help ourselves, this one needed the Vegan Swamp parody treatment.
The curtain opens to reveal a courtroom, SRO, packed to capacity with slutty vegan detractors, servers from all walks of life, anticipating a victory for the plantiff but nervously waiting for the only defense that’s possible in this case, Johnny Cockroach deals the ‘card’ Will it work as good as OJ?
Questioning begins by Sally Sleezemeister (Sleezy for short), the lead attorney for Dewey, Fleecem, and Howe, a prominent law firm, well known in legal circles for the stooge-like behavior of its senior partners. They take on the cases no other law firms will touch, defending the undefendable and winning, now retained by the Slutty Vegan herself, Pinky Cole.
Vo dire (challenges) of Jury selection by Sleezy begins with the first question addressed to:
Prospective juror #1 “have you ever worked in a bar or restaurant where part of your income depended on gratuities?” Duh, a better question might be ‘who hasn’t? Never mind that, just answer the question. “ok yes, you got me. I was the slutty waitress that served your attorney group at the Slutty Vegan – and you lawyers are shitty tippers! Remember?
Er, well your honor, move to strike!
Judge Judy, I’m going to strike you with my gavel if you dont get on with it!
Attorney Sleezy; Your honor, I move to disqualify any potential juror who has worked for ‘tips’ during their lifetime as potentially biased against my client!
Judge Judy: sit down you fool, I worked for tips once myself while attending college and it was that extra money that got me through law school. Washing dishes and waiting tables will educate you too! I doubt you can find anyone in this town who hasn’t done some kind of food related work at one point in their life.
Attorney Sleezy; I move to recuse your honor for bias against my client. I heard Judge Bean might be available as a replacement.
Judge Judy: Sit down and shut up you fool! I’m the only judge you are going to get! I heard Judge Bean went back to eating meat anyway. And don’t even bother making a motion for change of venue cause I will deny it;
LOUDLY!
Slutty Lives Matter
So much for this so-called philanthropist, she donates thousands to questionable causes then gets accused of cheating her employees to offset rising costs. The color of her skin should not matter in this case – if she is holding back pennies on her own employees, what or who else is she stiffing in the name of charity or blaming those pesky yet many times, convenient – supply chain issues? Is her own foundation funneling cash to her ledger either behind or under the table after she got how-to ‘tips’ from the idiots at the Clinton Foundation?
Will the back story of a Slutty Vegan be revealed in Court?
Pinky Cole is African American, a woman, a vegan, and a minority business owner, she needn’t worry too much about criticism, she’s got the proverbial Father, Son, and Holy Spirit of qualifying conditions favorable to minorities. At the other end of the spectrum, if, for whatever reason, a person or company is accused of racism, without any trial or investigation, should you be branded a ‘racist’, and you can lose it all, there is no defense against it. Like being ‘outed’ as a ‘commie’ back in the day. Or a jewish person ratting out a neighbor to save themselves from a one-way train ride. Proof not required, just the accusation itself is enough to cost you everything!
Possessing those three key elements, black, female, small biz owner, practically ensures government support and financial assistance. Anyone against you is a racist POS and should be financially ruined, their guns taken away and forced to live in a homeless camp in Tasmania.
When the ‘racists’ are defeated it’s time to celebrate. Glasses are raised, toasts made, a special drink consisting of a concoction about to go viral, called ta da, the Slutty Martini, a drink made specially to toast their victories against a racist society, served with a smirk by the server who knows full-well not to expect a gratuity from this bunch. (Is that a lugy in there or just another olive?)
This recipe was stolen by the Vegan Swamp stringer, a vegan we sent to investigate and if possible, dig up some dirt on the Slutty Vegan. He found it hidden inside a Scrooge McDuck lunch box kept behind the counter at Bar Vegan, a Slutty Vegan owned establishment. How is this drink made, you ask; Take a jigger of entitlement, add a couple drops of brown colored ink, add a dash of ego, a drop of ‘bitters’, fill to the line with crocodile tears, add a toothpick full of black olives – shaken, not stirred.
Not that there is anything wrong with that! – Jerry Seinfeld
A ‘cheap charlie’ is a ‘cheap charlie’
You can’t change those kinds of people, cheapness is a disease like alcoholism, you can only hope you run into a situation like this lucky server did:
And not just in restaurants like good ole Uncle Pete, he goes to the can just before the bill arrives. He is proud of his cheapness! He brags about down-loading FREE everything and he has zillions in the bank. He does that everywhere, it’s embarrassing how cheap he is, and dumb, jeez that guy often steps over a dollar to pick up a dime!
Or how about that grope of bowlers, oops, I meant group, a few of which couldn’t keep their hands to themselves, balancing their fat burger and beer with one hand, the other attempting to get past 1st base on an away field! After their attempts at manhandling their server are met with stony silence and a frown, they sheepishly leave the place, but once out on the curb, laughing at how brave ole Chet was. The poor waitress that tried to be nice, now gets to clean up their mess, searching for a tip she will not find.
Finding instead a hastily scribbled note; you want a good tip? Moneynags in the 5th! Bastardos!
This is the kind of crap servers deal with – every day!
I wonder how much Covid relief money ole Pinky got? Like others of her ilk, made rich beyond their wildest imagination off the backs of less-than-minimum-wage employees. SHAME ON YOU PINKY! She thought her status and reputation were untouchable ala Bill Cosby. The TV show guest interview she was to do was suddenly canceled at the last minute, invitation withdrawn, no explanation given.
We imagine that the network bailed when they got word of a possible controversy involving a lawsuit filed by some of her ex-employees. It was time to regroup and search for the back story, one that could be spun into something more favorable to her and her followers.
And then, to get the right amount of sluttiness, real sleeze that can only be dished out by the one and only hero of the African American agenda, El Sharpo himself, Al Sharpton (if Jesse Jackson is tied-up, so to speak).
Al can always be counted on for his invaluable advice on how to cheap out on everything (just like Uncle Pete!) and not have to reach in his deep pockets for anything (just ask the IRS) – even THOSE soul-deprived monsters at the IRS won’t dare go toe to toe against the African American cause (just ask Bill O’reilly!), it might generate some bad PR, maybe hurt their chances of getting those 87,000 new IRS agents that the bozo’s in government want to jam down our throats.
It’s just what an inflation-saturated economy plagued with soaring costs for food, gas and other essentials needs right now – more bean counters to harass the middle class and hang all the tax cheats who hide their tips. The good reverend can also be counted on to give a series of well-timed, dramatic woe-is-us, drama-infected, press conferences, staged on the courthouse steps for full effect.
Their weak excuses to get more money out of us, government BS, one of which defies logic – are dealing with the difficulties and paperwork involved when attempting to collect the right amount of tax – are just too hard! sniff, sniff. It’s those intimidating rich guys, those zillionaires. The ones who got all the tax breaks to relocate or whatever, the ones with hordes of accountants and lawyers to find every tax savings loophole and beyond.
Feed the rich, tax the poor
Taxing the rich is exhausting, the poor bean counters want weaker targets to go after, the easy collections, putting the squeeze on anyone earning less than minimum wage, dummies they can fleece without having to pause their game of video solitaire. Directed by those idiots in Congress who can’t even elect a guy ‘from their own party’ to represent the US House of Representatives, a gavel wielding, House Speaker. Thank goodness Kevin McCarthy won the popular vote in the 13th round!
Now the government can get down to the business of screwing the little person – Leona Helmsley
Get those middle-class sheep to pay up. How can we expect to wage a decent war on multiple fronts if we don’t have any money. Those darn missles ain’t cheap! (BTW it must be nice to be able to ‘vote’ your own raises.) Last time we tried that at the Swamp we got thrown in the quicksand out back! Those four-eyed, crew-cut devils are relentless! They have unlimited power to hunt down and tax into submission all those little people who can’t afford to litigate IRS decisions. Pay or else, you middle class sheep!
Speaking of Their Slutty Logic
If those government folks can’t get the Bankman-Frieds, the Enron’s, the Bernie Madoff’s and others, all run by rich cheaters, who when finally outed get ‘sentenced’ to serve time at a less-than-maximum ‘prison’ leaving us little people holding empty bags to clean up their messes. It means us little people have to make up the difference.
Of course, you moron, it’s a system built by the rich – for the rich. The fat-cats who are now more determined than ever to get the easy money – going after small businesses and those felonious tip getters! You mess with these bean counters you may wake up next to Jimmy Hoffa! or worse, Lois Learner!
After all, somebody has to pay for all that Covid Relief money they so graciously handed out to anyone, (even the Boston Marathon bomber got his in prison!), billions were scammed by unscrupulously bad people, with little or no consequences. Did you think for one moment that was FREE money?
Payback is a bitch as they say in the military. Inflation, high gas prices, food shortages, those are all fine excuses FOR NOW but they need to invent even MORE ways to feed the insatiable coffers of our government. Just so they can send Ukraine billions while our homeless sleep on the streets and our borders are invaded by cartel coyotes. The Bazilliantrillionbillionmillion we owe China they won’t even talk about!
A ‘blood thirsty’ Comparison
Our favorite plant-based character to watch at the movies was a Venus flytrap, a delightful and sometimes frightening mutant, aptly named Git It. If you saw the movie you may remember (him?) as being one of the stars of another Hollywood classic, Little Shop of Horrors.
This blood thirsty plant is featured in the tremendously entertaining musical adaptation of the 1960 Roger Corman film of the same name. This ferocious carnivore, a plant with an insatiable appetite for blood, proved to be a worthy adversary to actor Rick Moranis, of Ghostbusters fame.
I liken this Git It character’s ‘extreme’ need for the red stuff – to our government’s insatiable appetite for our money.
Our ‘blood’ comes next;
We don’t object to paying our share, it’s worth the price to live in a free country. What we object to and what a lot of our readers agree with us about, is what we describe as government waste: $622 billion in Medicare and Medicaid “waste and inefficiencies” is only one example. For more information on this topic check out this article, 50 Examples of Government Waste from the Heritage Foundation. But here we must issue a caution, this article could cause projectile vomiting!
These are merely a few examples of where I think we could save money by doing without or maybe directing the funds instead to where they will help the people who need it, our own citizens, such as the homeless and hubby-less mothers. Slam us as isolationists if you must but we would rather see our tax dollars working to fix problems at home, NOT spending millions on equal rights for women, IN IRAN!
Vegan restaurant and bar workers want a fair Shake
Who gave restaurant owners the idea they could just arbitrarily decide to ‘tax’ the tip jar, maybe the IRS? Agents of the not-so-OO7 variety (those bleep bleeps who will investigate our returns for the last 50 years after reading this, while people like Pinky Cole, a Slutty Vegan, adds a new wing onto their already massive mansion?) Just like that crybaby Osopepatrise did with all those BLM donations.
Us ‘normal’ vegans won’t stand for It
Nearly all of us worked for low wages + tips at one time or another, working at family restaurants, fast food joints, bars, etc, owned by individuals or families – not corporations that are run by suits, hired cheap, just out of school (to save money), hammered into submission by 80 hour work weeks under mid-level morons, graduates of Peter Principle U., directed to find and scrimp every dime that could be saved by eliminating every amenity. The free coffee is gone, the drinking fountains are metered, the stalls in the executive washroom are still free, but ‘those other’ people on the lower floors are directed to use the pay stalls in the employee washrooms.
Just to cite one example of corporate lunacy – That Home Depot CEO, the new guy, stock price savior, anointed by the grinning faces of the suits in the boardroom, the person they brought in to save an orange-coated Titanic. He demonstrated just us how to easy it was to raise the stock price, while totally justtifying his six million a year with bonus’s, a car, bodyguards, 24-hour security salary at his gated mansion – a trophy wife, spoiled rich kids – the solution to prosperity, just fire everybody!
Then funnel the resulting ‘earnings’ back into risky investments, money that was previously wasted on those undependable employees, wanting time off for every little thing, like funerals and stuff. The GALL! Once the little orange coated creeps are reduced to a skeleton crew, BOOM! stock prices soar! Conversation overheard by the invisible wait staff in the executive dining room, “Dang Charlie, that new guy is a genius!” “
But like all the overpaid, ego-busting morons before him, his little scheme soon collapsed, reduced to hiding out at the Bar Vegan (coincidence?), crying crocodile tears in his kale juice during quarterly earnings announcement gatherings back at the office -just to listen to the ‘you didn’t meet budget’, finger pointers.
He was not given a chance to ‘circle back’ with his accusers – ‘moving forward’ he was let go for not ‘thinking outside the box’ avoiding the ‘overhanging fruit’ to create the company’s ‘new normal’ with a ‘win-win.’ Not to be confused with ‘moving the needle’, just FIRED!
Corporate America learned another valuable lesson, ‘ no orange coated experts’=no customers. Duh. Us old fogies, students, single moms, working class folks trying to get by with honest work, we could do well on tips earned the old-fashioned way, hard work – especially if you could hustle! If you were cute, perky, pretty, etc, they did ok too!
Ok, you chauvinist pig! (is that term even used anymore?) or is it just an outdated insult from the womenslibolithic period? I seem to recall all that bra burning on TV, being done by ugly, flat-chested, pink-haired ‘ladies’ that I wouldn’t take on a cruise through the nearest Steak n Shake with blacked out windows!
Come to think of it, I don’t remember ever seeing a ‘pretty’ protestor, I guess they are too busy doing pretty girl things, certainly not out on that dirty street, waving stupid signs around. Mingling with the unwashed, bumped by smelly gropers,OMG she just broke a nail fending off one of those ‘creepy dudes! I guess it depends on your definition of pretty, 60 Stunning Photos Of Women Protesting Around The World | HuffPost Women
But wait – have any star-quality women ever been ‘discovered‘ while amongst the flak-jacketed, banner weaving other ‘ladies’ ‘protesting’ something? We may be on to something here! A beautiful girl in the midst of a crowd of not-so-stunning, bellowing mob of female protesters. Who do you think the TV cameras will zoom in on? OMG, she’s really HOT! What’s SHE doing here?! She gets her pretty face on all the networks at five, six, nine and ten o’clock news! You can’t buy that kind of exposure! #hashtag; beauty and the beasts at 7th Street.
I was really just trying to see beyond the antics of these fine ‘examples’ of womanhood, distorted faces caught on TV news at 6, hissing like wildcats at any perceived detractors. I was in favor of women’s rights and shocked at how long it took for all the states to get with the program, and equally as shocked at the rowdy behavior of these so-called activists for womens rights.
Women deserve better treatment than they get regardless of age or ethnicity. And when it comes to food service and the general public both men and woman suffer, confronted daily with low wages, bad tippers, working for next to nothing is the routine de jour. Along comes some rich, Slutty Vegan, who deemed it ‘necessary’ to garnish her wait staff 25% of their tips to offset increased operating expenses, treating them more like indentured servants than family.
Has hypocrasy become the ‘new Normal?’
How could someone who bragged about staffing her Slutty Vegan establishments with ‘dependable, happy and loyal employees, suddenly switch gears and alienate the whole crew with the ‘brain fart’ of the true cheapster to levy a ‘tax’ on her ‘loyal’ employees’ tips? Shameless behavior if proven true.
Tips, gratuities, gifts, call them what you will -that little bit extra that you could count on provided you earn that extra cash by thinking of that old Smith-Barney commercial – imagine John Houseman replacing those famous lines, saying instead, in that unique, scratchy voice, “we don’t make tips – we earn them!
And well-earned tips they are, putting on a brave face to deal with moronic customers like the one Jack Nicholson portrayed in As Good As It Gets – every single day!
Only, instead of giving a crap more about you than their meat loaf being the correct temperature, the bozo’s you see every day at your slop-chute won’t be sending their private physician around to check up on your kids like the Hollywood version we loved. BTW we miss Helen Hunt, we hope she is happy and healthy wherever she is.
Confessions of a room-service Waiter
Meantime, In real life: I’m a waitress and these are the annoying complaints customers make every day AFTER they’ve eaten their food You can probably tell by now that we served our time, honorable service at an array of restaurants, including, country clubs, resorts and fine dining, first learning the ropes as bus boys, cooks’ helpers, room service waiters at 16 (we could write a book about that experience alone) graduating to servers and beyond, after many hard years of working weekends and holidays.
We had so much fun sitting at a big round table just off the kitchen, a family of worn-out cooks, bus boys, wait staff, all sharing in that day’s bounty, tips pooled – lunch money, gas money, whatever it was used for, we depended on it.
TAX? On TIPS, are you crazy?
Would a server accept Crypto coin as a Tip?
Just kidding, we just were curious. It will be interesting to see how this Smarmy Vegan weasels his way out of scamming billions from the crypto-morons who invest in this imaginary, internet fueled scam. Heck, even Elon Musk won’t touch what us Swampers call Crypto Clippers, because you will be ‘clipped’ if you are stupid enough to play that game.
Sam the Sham, (not a true Pharaoh), Bank-man-Freid, the FTX crypto coin guy, claiming to be a vegan and frequent customer of Slutty Vegan establishments. Accused of bilking billions of dollars from investors, heard in whispered conversations at Bar Vegan disguised as ‘shop’ talk.
Holy, moly, it just came to us, maybe Pinky was a Bankman-Freid Invester/victim, losing millions of vegan ‘cabbage’ in the Weepy Vegans billion-dollar crypto clipper fraud. It’s gotta be the reason she decided to dun her staff – to help make up her losses – with their hard-earned tips!
A conspiracy uncovered by Columbo-like sleuths?
Nah, just a couple of retired restaurant schlumps, MAD Magazine subscribers, still young enough to appreciate and laugh at some of the crazy things that weren’t so funny at the time. Dinner rushes gone south, drunks coming in 10 minutes before close “do you have any idea who we are?” Illegals as cooks, a staff drug ring, a meth lab, weed in the cooler, you name it, we have seen it.
All those years spent in and around food service, the crazy times, joking about the ‘good ole days’, remembering among other things those weird coins left as tips, (they thought it would fool us) that we were supposed to take to the nearest coin shop and be told they are worthless! Russian Rubles, French Francs, some military payment certificates (MPC’s), even video game tokens We kid you not!
Did this Slutty Vegan think her Slutty minions would even miss 25%?
Or would her Slutty minions defy her authority by complaining and risk losing their job?
We like to give everyone the kind of sentiment we expected back in the day, “Innocent until proven guilty” instead of the ‘guilty, until proven innocent’ bs we get today – without the benefit of a trial! Here is her explanation/defense but we here at the Swamp ain’t buying it.
Picture yourself in Judge Judy’s cute little lacy judge robe, how would you rule on this mess?
Film at 11!