Just pretend for a moment that certain cows had the intelligence to carry on a conversation, and it could only be heard by a vegan.
The setting: Farmer Bob’s cattle pen, anywhere USA. Let’s call our cow Bessie, a full-grown milking cow. Not very original but just about everyone knows the name.
A vegan activist has snuck into the pen to set her free while Bob is out chasing sheep.
Surprisingly, Bessie hesitates and explains:
“He promised never to sell me.”
“Aside from sore boobs from those darn nozzles he treats me pretty good.”
“What happens to me if I go with you into the ugknown?”
“I would steak my life that he won’t murder me”
“I would miss that well-endowed bull of ours”
“The chow is pretty good here”
The vegan activist shakes his head in disgust and responds:
“You know Bessie, for a smart cow you are one dumb heifer.”
“A farmer’s word used to be their bond, but now the meatheads run everything, he will surely sell your black and white ass for the right price.” Never trust a meathead!
“And what happens to you when your boobs are udderly worn out and the milk dries up? He has no use for you after that except you know what!”
“If you come with me, I will make you my pet, feed and care for you. Dress you up and parade you around. What fun we will have and what a statement for the vegan cause!”
“So, what are you waiting for? Let’s roll!”
Bessie thinks about it for just a moment and responds:
“Nah, I think I will stay here, at least here I know what to expect, but just in case I have lookouts posted to warn me of any potential betrayal. One moo, all is well, two moos danger!”
About that time Bob comes around the corner of the barn on his tractor and spots the activist. Being the friendly farmer that he is, he invites the vegan into the house to have a burger and a glass of milk!
Bessie looks at the vegan and grins, “now what are you going to do?”
To be continued.