The Vegan Con Artist

From the Vegan Con Artist Department

Samuel Bankman-Fried is a vegan, a nerd, and it would seem, a big vegan crook, the media called him the “J.P. Morgan” of Crypto. He claims that a quadzillion dollars of investors money just disappeared from FTX, his crypto fund/scam. The way these rich folks throw the word ‘billion’ around it just doesn’t have the same impact anymore.

He sure looks nerdy enough to fool rich people with that goofy hair, even worse than Colin Klaperdink or whatever that losers name was in the NFL, speaking of athlete morons I bet Britney Griner won’t be taking a knee during the national anthem if she can still compete after 9 years in a Russian gulag.

But I digress- have you heard this Bankman-Fried guy’s annoying voice!? I can hardly listen to his past interviews, fingernails on the chalkboard sound better! Would you even loan money to a guy that looked and spoke like him? Much less hand over your life savings to invest in crypto coin, IMO the worst possible thing to invest in?

SBF’s voice is ALMOST as bad as the most annoying sound in the world!

Any similarities in the voice below is purely coincidental!

He gave all his money to politicians. What about the vegan movement, did he donate anything there? No! and I heard he is a bad tipper too. Will the Dems give back any of the money he gave them? And give up the greatest money laundering scheme on the planet? Oh, hell no!

Nevertheless, we here at the Vegan Swamp are proud to call Samuel Bankman-Fried, not only the world’s largest ever vegan scammer of all time, who at first glance, couldn’t sell me a cucumber at a farmers market, our reluctant friend. The fact that he is vegan may be his only redeeming quality. What do they say in Hollywood? No publicity is bad publicity? Maybe his story will end up gaining more awareness for veganism.

He may even try to use veganism as a defense/excuse in court, blaming veganism for his greed, telling the court, “Eating vegan made me do it your honor, my protein levels were low and I just wasn’t myself.” Besides, my Daddy spanked me when I was a kid! The ghost of Dominick Dunne is standing by to give us a full report.

Us vegans believe in ‘innocent until proven guilty’ but the signs are all pointing in an unfavorable direction at SBF being nothing less than a thief and his firm this was nothing more than a planned scam from the beginning. As Americans we should be used to this kind of behavior from the Wall Street crowd but this scam eclipses all the ones before it, including Enron and Madoff.

Only time will tell if he will ever be brought to justice over this but his vegan story is just unfolding so stay tuned.