The Vegan Swamp

A collection of tales designed to spread the message of a plant-based lifestyle from the makers of the SwampOMatic, the miracle vegetable slicer. Not available in stores.


A Quagmire of SATIRE

A Morass of HUMOR


A Marsh of SARCASM

All here in a single pro-vegan, swampy, environment.

If a confluence of SWAMP-like misinformation about veganism do’s and don’ts seems confusing to you, you have landed in the right place. We mock the cultural landscape and pseudoscience surrounding vegans and veganism, writing the wrongs of meathead detractors, written by a trio of vegan idiots who will put you on the right path – guiding you out of the swamp and into the light.

Humor sells the vegan message better than cringeworthy vegan activists’ stunts.

We lampoon vegans and the baseless attacks on veganism from all angles, pro and con and in-between, presented in the style of Alfred E. Neuman’s bedside reading material, – MAD Magazine Now celebrating 70 years dumb!

Round up the usual idiots Louie

Over 70 years of the pun-based MADness of the idiots (said affectionately) at MAD Magazine has inspired us to attempt to create an online version of a MAD ‘like’ Magazine directed at the controversial topics surrounding nutrition and veganism. After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? Right?

In MADs 70th Anniversary issue (no. 28-December 2022) they practically DARE anyone to put out an imitation of their loony publication. Along comes Dexter and the Vegan Swamp.

We could never duplicate the genius of MAD Magazine, that would be sacrilegious as well as really dumb, but we can try to imitate their sick and twisted style, using satire and humor in a vegan version of MAD that explodes with prize-winning lunacy!

DEXTER – “I have the balls to say what you’re thinking!”

Easy there Big Fella!

Dexter, mascot and mouthpiece of the Vegan Swamp – identifying as half crocodile, half alligator, equipped with an Abby Normal brain, only known herbivore of his species, Alter-ego of the vegan schlump that runs this outfit.

Dexter, a cartoon character we lovingly created as our mascot, our humble tribute and effort to clone another iconic character, Alfred E. Neuman, cover boy for MAD Magazine.

Much harder to clone is MAD’s genius at satire and parody but we are working on it.

Our resident BlogOdile, scaly mouthpiece for veganism, was originally created as a loving tribute to Steve Irwin – aka The Crocodile Hunter – after his untimely death at the hands (tail) of a pissed-off stingray way back in 06. Crikey!

A plastic surgeon Conspiracy?

Coming out as transgender after being assigned a male croc at birth, transitioning to alligator as a young croc at a gender clinic, de-transitioned back to a croc after discovering his true identity, (without useless advice from Mom and Dad croc), now identifying as a happy but non-binary BlogOdile, pleased to be your Guide as you navigate the mire of the VEGAN SWAMP

Instead of the really dumb suggestion made by the boss to call our MAD-inspired blog CyberMAD we selected the title of the Vegan Swamp as a way to demonstrate the murky waters of nutritive science and the swamp-like bog of confusion surrounding a healthy lifestyle.

A satirical approach to vegans and the vegan lifestyle might be just what we need right now to spread the message of the many benefits of plant-based eating. It would feature vegan related humor, parody and especially satire, an art form that is fast disappearing in today’s woke culture.

After all, we have enough vegan recipe blogs out there to implode NASA’s servers, let’s do a vegan blog with no recipes!

“Not that there is anything wrong with that” – Jerry Seinfeld

We welcome all comments, we have our standards, no hate speech but that’s about it. Even MAD has to post a disclaimer in the Index of their current issue which I have never noticed before. MAD, a disclaimer? Say it ain’t so! Even MAD, the master of satire, is subject to woke attacks from the humorless hordes of the left.

“The vintage MAD pieces reprinted in this issue were produced in a time that was less mindful and sensitive to matters of race, gender, sexual identity, religion and food allergies. The text of these articles is presented mostly unaltered (and with crossed fingers) for historical reference”

What, Us Worry? Ditto the above, just to be safe from the Wokezillas.

Comedy is not going Woke

Satirical comedy based on true events is a popular style used by comics but it’s on life-support due to just about anything written, spoken or joked about being considered offensive by someone, but thanks to guys like Chris Rock and Tim Allen, comedy doesn’t have to be unplugged just yet.

Our swamp is packed full of humorous ways to celebrate life as a vegan and loaded with jokes and cartoons lampooning both veganism and its detractors. We include in each post parodies of vegan culture, politics, entertainment, any public figures we can make fun of, especially the pseudoscientists and those pesky meatheads that speak out against veganism to protect the status quo.

We are an equal opportunity offender; we take shots at everybody, including the Meatheads and the ‘experts’ who claim to know what’s best for us nutritionally.

The Vegan Swamp Mission

To debunk the bad science that surrounds the vegan lifestyle while at the same time offending as many MEATHEADS as we can with raw satire and funny stuff, all while exposing their flagrant disregard for the truth behind veganism and their bad choices of nutrition and diet!

The Vegan Swamp Blog

So, take it from Mark, The Vegan Monk, tireless missionary of the Vegan Swamp’s warped but nostalgic style of promoting veganism to the masses. Featuring posts interwoven with murky tales that include hippie history, satire, military drama, crazy vegan behavior, meatbashing, vegan humor, dirty politics, etc. virtually anything goes!

With tongue planted firmly in cheek, strumming the strings of our funny bone, abandoning the dark side of food consumption and spreading the joy of being vegan to all who will listen. Doing it in a way that we feel supports the cause, without the outrage that results with certain vegan protests.

The pen is mightier than the sword – whoever said that obviously never possessed a sword!

The geriatric Vegan

As the old fart, vegan soldier and chief idiot behind the Vegan Swamp I prefer to be recognized these days as a retired vegan militant, invested editorially in the vegan cause, now acting as armchair quarterback for the been-there, done that generation, trading the pig-skin for the pig-pen- so to speak – writing in support of the vegan cause.

Free now to love the animals instead of consuming them.

“I’d just as soon kiss a wookiee.” —Princess Leia, The Empire Strikes Back

Uh Oh, here comes a flock of wah-wahs – Joe Walsh- at the end of ‘Life’s Been Good to Me’

Vegan Activists or Vege-terrorists?

When our cherished baby-boomer era rock n rollers start to leave us to our downloaded memories of their classic sounds, musical talents like Eddie van Halen, Neal Peart, Robert Palmer, George Harrison etc. Who could blame us boomers who reach for the nearest miracle cream, needle or knife, or anything else that holds the promise of making us look and feel younger.

Those climate or vegan activists that spill milk and glue their hands to the dairy case at grocery stores, whether protesting the environment or a vegan agenda, young girls who staged bloody meat packs in the street, animal rescuing/kidnapping, pink smoke at NFL games, all performed recently by vegan activists/protesters to raise awareness to different aspects of the Vegan cause. Not our thing to judge but are you people just crazy or what?

You can get thrown in the clink for doing that stuff!

Did they Score?

Call me a wuss but I prefer to leave all that exhausting protesting to the young folks who have their whole life ahead of them and who may have an actual chance to affect change. I personally don’t agree with their methods, acts meant to shock and promote outrage among more conservative types like me. While definitely raising awareness they risk alienation of their audience.

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"Nothing Tastes as Good as Healthy Feels" Albert Einstein